Monthly Archives: April 2008

The Forbidden Kingdom of Stop-Lossed Leatherheads

Posted on by
Reply

A new friend of mine asked me last Friday what was my favorite that I’ve seen recently. Being an avid cinemaphile and generator of opinion (as you may have noticed), this caused a mental lag akin to calculating pi to the power of pi on a watch calculator. (Me: “Duuuuuh …”) I came out of the stupor by shifting parameters to my favorites — plural, but this helped little. None of the 2-4 movies a week since January in short term memory leapt to the forefront . Several days later, I’ve got some picks. (SPOILER ALERT: if you’ve read the title you already know the picks, … so … no need for the alert actually — Stand Down!).

Jet Li and Jackie Chan FINALLY make a movie together, and THANK THE TAOIST ELEMENTAL SPIRITS that it wasn’t in a Rush Hour. (novel idea once = good, two or more times = lame). Forbidden Kingdom was interesting in it’s premise of a fan boy entering the fantasy. (complete with hot Asian girl love interest, no tentacles this time though) It also payed homage to actual Chinese myth of the Monkey King  in a vain like  American classics such as the Karate Kid, perhaps key to it’s success . It walks the border between classic and cliché many times — meh. FK is also was very family-friendly, which is code for nerfed. Fuck it though: where else can we see Jet vs. Jackie?

George Clooney’s Leatherheads was alright if you like mild comedy, romance, and sports mixed into a thin porridge. As a director, G likes to make movies about the past because more modern settings would likely cause a level 5 smug alert. Well cast, Clooney, John Krasinski (The Office joe average), And Renee Zellweger (who is hot when the only woman in a film) do an decent job of painting the elements of a love triangle. No need to bring a spare pair of pants, it aint pee your pants funny but more a chuckle worthy date flick. It’s funny to learn that pro-football was like the Harlem Globetrotter in terms of on field antics; had it remained this way, I may have deemed the sport worthy of watching.

Stop-Loss, named for the continuing military practice, I think is my favorite so far. A drama about a very real subject of soldiers being bamboozled into fighting and facing death longer after their tour should be over (another show of Bush support for the troops). Ryan Phillippe, my dog from Way of the Gun, is quickly becoming one my favorite actors. He portrays the anger and frustration of a young soldier that is faced with this crisis and examine who he is and truly wants to be: a free deserter or a soldier captured by his own nation. Ryan does this expertly , validating his acting chops and taste in scripts — if not women (Reese? Really? )

Enough writing, I’ve got more movies to catch.

Detroit: The “D” isn’t for Doom

Posted on by
2

So I’m perusing the threads at one of my favorite game forums, Fear the Boot, skimming topics and looking for places where my brilliance can help inspire/inform my brother’s in RPGing. I come to a poll written by an Irish GM trying to decide where to set his occult themed crime campaign. (the Dresdan Files series has inspired many into this trendy gaming niche) The options on the poll were: Chicago, Boston, Detroit and Other. … DETROIT?!?!

My hometown is known for many things, spooky it ain’t. (He considered us cause the The Crow was set here) A post respondent — from Detroit, likely a suburbanite since he’s a gamer — mentioned a few local legends I’d never even heard of (Nain Rouge the murderous red dwarf ???), but everyone pretty much agreed on the image of dirty decay in this urban stain I call home. (pardon me while I step away from the weed-dusted keyboard to sell some crack to the local rape gang on their lunch break).

“Yeah. You killed me. But where was I gonna go? Detroit?”
– Saddam Hussein in Hell on South Park

New Orleans, St. Louis, Baltimore, Detroit and Washington DC have been the leading hot spots for ganking in recent years — but Detroit is considered the Fallujah of America — it was before most knew the Iraq city existed. The others have reputations that eclipse their violence: the bead-throwing titty-showing city of decadence; home of the blues and barbeque; our nation’s capitol. Detroit is the home of the Motown sound where we string up white people Predator-style to blast like pinatas, but with bullets.

Racial tensions go back to the 40’s when southern blacks and whites migrated here for war industry jobs, then the whites fled to the suburbs (lest they suffer the bane of mulatto grandchildren). They took much business with them. Add a huge riot, divisive politicians, a gas crisis in a car making city, drugs, manufacturing outsourcing, and you get Detroit — the bulbous black butt of subtly racist jokes since the seventies.

The NAACP even buried the “N-Word” downtown  in a pine box last year (like it was born here)!

We are, however, on the mend and have been for near forty years. We’ve got art, music, business, and international appeal (Viva Mehico).

Baltimore — now that’s a fucked up city!

Detroit Blog Community

Stories from His-Story

Posted on by
Reply

Often times on gaming forums you’ll see someone post asking for story ideas for their next RPG session (because they’re novice GM’s and too cheap to buy a module).

A poster on RPG.net wanted to know how to handle the loss of two players in his Firefly game. After suggestions to quickly kill off their characters and that they be GM played until they can be killed off (cause players are the bane of a GM‘s existence), I pointed the youth to the series itself. The Simon and Inara counterparts had ditched, and the very same scenarios happened in the series — the show’s history gave a way. Had he not watched those shows, or did he feel it hacky to “steal” it’s ideas when he was already following it’s characterization so close? (assholes love to play Jayne, I would)

“There is nothing new under the sun.”
– old proverb, used by old people to win arguments.

Human history holds a wealth of campaign ideas waiting to be adapted by the creative. Firefly is a sci-fi western with cowboy lingo, high tech Colts revolvers and frontier daring do. (are Reavers the natives, or the settlers?) Star Wars is sci-fi fairy tale featuring swashbuckling scoundrels, royalty, and laser swords. (a corrupt government expanding it’s power in time of war, can that be?)

How many games did 300 inspire? (Spartan loincloth is the new chainmail bikini)Is it that hard to turn on the History Channel to create your big bad guy in the image of Andrew Jackson?

 

 

Love? Not Actually.

Posted on by
Reply

Wuv, twue wuv, is a mysterious, magical thing. Even Oprah, with her demi-goddess powers, is unable to find it for herself — though she’s felt it firsthand from maddened celebrities and will be seeing it again. I myself have sought it out in many places: clubs, Internet sites, street corners, Lane Bryant changing rooms (voluptuphile here).

What does the media — our great educator — tell us love is? The answer is exemplified in many examples: The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Blind Date, Elimidate. Let’s define the genre by the extremes. Take Flavor of Love, a tale of a once-cool, now middle-aged, ex-crackhead, ex-felon, condom-abstaining, one-man minstrel show, wading through the most insane, big-assed, busty, and insanely big-assed busty chicks VH1 can round up. Better title: “Who’ll fuck Flavor Flav to be on TV?”

Not a hater, I admit to being an avid viewer from a combination of a morbid fascination (like watching dog fighting matches with only bitches) and the eye candy featured (a preview of strippers coming to a titty bar near me once their time is up). Given there’s three seasons, it’s not an effective love finder, but since Flav is moving on to a sitcom, the third time may be the charm (the girls are homely enough this season that I can believe a love match).

Love can be intoxicating, like Tila Tequila’s spread the first time you see it. A Shot of Love features Miss Saigon promising to luv-long-time one lucky/desperate/obsessed dude or chick. This show I haven’t seen much of since:

A. It’s half dudes (though one brotha did Dick-in-a-Box to impress her last show, props to him).

B. It’s half REAL lesbians (not the “Tee-hee, I like girls, too,” kind — like Tila, the “ALL COCK MUST DIE” type).

No wonder the president of MTV quit. Last season, she shaved it down to a guy and guy-like lesbian, which is confusing to my primitive hetero mind. One will be acceptable to your traditionalist family, the other is queen of the cunning linguists (pussy eating, simpleton). Can she ever decide to commit to one option? Bet we get six more seasons to find out.

“Love is the willingness to extend oneself to encourage the spiritual growth of another.” — Dr. M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled.

Not entertaining, and hard to find, but true and worth the search — gay-sounding yet true.

 

 

 

The FATE of Gaming

Posted on by
4

Dungeons and Dragons Fourth edition is about to come out and already gamers are dividing on the implications: posting blood-vendettas against strangers over the net based on their “opinions”, cursing the eyes of the first born of it’s writers/designers, and generally displaying the kind of obsessive past-time passion that makes us so popular with the ladies. ( …right.) Myself — long time fan, player, and game master of D&D and D20 — I could give less than a fuck (the value of an arthritic hand job to be exact).

Indie games are drawing my interest. RPGs for gamers by gamers (like Fubu, but Fogbyg — not as cool or pronounceable), instead of those captained by some marketing exec that used to give swirlies and wedgies in high school to the D&D players. Selling points: less expensive books (less books altogether); higher quality (writers writing what they like to write about); better support (direct contact with designers, not ticket 1365 in a Customer Service e-mail server).

All of these things I’ve found specifically in Fantastic Adventures in Tabletop Entertainment, or FATE, by Fred Hicks and Rob Donoghue from Evil Hat Games (“Fantastic” sounds cocky, but they’re walk’in the walk). FATE is a simple point-buy system with narrative mechanics (calm down mouth-breather, I‘ll explain).

D&D has classes, levels, and class powers based on level (lots of referencing, cross-referencing, and comparison to get what you want); FATE uses descriptive verbal Aspects that define your character and bonus their rolls for actions when applicable in the plot (imaginative and free-form). Example: a non-gamer girl you’ve met up with from match.com asks about your character in this “role-playing hobby” you were dumb enough to mention in your profile:

You reply, ”Oh, he’s Sir Paragus, a 12th level paladin with 25 charisma that aids his power to Lay on Hands and has a Rod of Lordly Might.” Jargon confused and scared, she fakes receiving a cell call before walking out of the coffee shop to never return. (this did NOT happen to me)

With FATE, you’d reply, “He’s Sir Paragus, a knight of the Just Order that’s devoted to protecting his people and living up to his father’s memory who‘s good with a sword. ” (that’s four aspects) She nods, “Like Vigo in that hobbit movie?”

The description invokes drama that’s relatable and gets her interested. You may still strike out, but you can change the subject back to her interests (a woman’s FAVORITE topic) having answered her question.

If you’re like me, too tired or busy to pour over several books to plan a game — or too poor to buy so many books — or sick of industry guff previews,  give it try. I’ll still check out D&D myself when it comes but I’m not hurting it for like Hasbro wants (Free your mind and your game will follow).

Them Bones, Them Bones

Posted on by
4

Any show that lasts three seasons on Fox has to be pretty good, given their flighty nerves regarding programs that may not have mass appeal. As punishment for canceling Firefly, The Tick, and Family Guy the first time; We (royal we) don’t recognize Fox save for Sunday nights, 24, and Hell’s Kitchen. ( “You can’t cook pasta, you bloody ass fuck!?!?” Gordon Ramsey is as ugly and volatile as my darker side — Darth Chef.) Given the popularity of forensic cop shows, Fox “entertainment” now has the balls to present Bones, a unique “drama” I caught for the first time channel surfing.

We’ve seen this jello mold before: guy-girl investigator team with that Odd Couple polarity but heterosexual tension (tell me the neat guy wasn’t code for bottom, fool). “Bones” Brennan (Emily Deschanel) is a scientistette with geek appeal, walking encyclopedia too uptight to let her hair down Polly Prissypants. Her counterpart is street-savvy FBI Agent Booth, a laid back guy’s guy played by David Boreanaz (Angel, whom still gets vampire-pimp props for turning out The Slayer, but without the stake-up-his-ass emo-intensity).

Rounding out the team is a combination of scientists/pathologists that continue the nerd appeal with Andy a dorky tech, Jack know-it-all House-ish forensic chemist, Angela hot tomboy asian chick (not sure of her job role, don’t care), and Camille fine black boss lady pathologist (they work for the Jefferson Institution and the boss is a Sally Hemmings-like redbone, coincidence?). Out of your league smart chicks in proximity with quirky boys cultivates hope in the heart of the bookish slob viewer (Sit Com 101).

These characters aren’t ground breaking, but their interactions are the selling point. For a TV drama there’s a lot of adolescent joking going on back and forth over gender roles with kiloliters of sarcasm. The repartee is very Joss Whedon styled, with references to pop culture, girls teasing the awkward boys – yet brainy like Aaron Sorkin (the West Wing for scientists, not liberal arts Phds – if those existed). You know it’s drama only because once in a while people give tearful mourning of the dead or remorseful confessions of murder, accompanied by those ever so helpful sad piano cues that say “This is the serious part, dummy”. It’s a goofy show with dramatic relief.

A successful mix of Seinfeld with Law and Order: SVU is hard to find. Check it out before it’s cancelled for being elitist and anti-American (I mentioned it was on Fox right?).

Star Trek Shit: The Un-recovered Franchise

Posted on by
1

Star Trek XI (11 for the latin impaired) is a bit more than a year from release and I’m eager like a cranked-out beaver for it!

Some  casting choices are great: Zach Quinto as Spock (Sylar on Heroes, the only TV villain I actually hate) and Karl Urban (Eomer of Rohan and the MacBethian Vaako in the Chronicles of Riddick) as Bones. Urban seems kind of seasoned amongst the younger cast, but McCoy was a bit older than the others too. Bruce Greenwood as pre-beep-box Captain Pike is another great call. The all important big chair will be filled by Chris Pine (a virtually unknown pretty boy) as Kirk. He has said he’ll be bringing a Harrison Ford-like quality to the role, which I think can work as a novel approach. “I thought these Klingons … smelled bad …on the outside!”

Some others have me wondering: Simon Pegg as Scotty (dude from Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. Funny sure, but do we want this much schtick from our favorite high-functioning alcoholic ethnic stereotype engineer?) and John “Harold who bitched all the way to White Castle” Cho as Sulu (is a rabies spewing tribble gonna attack the helmsman?). I can see they’re aiming to capture some of the camp of the original series, which is beautiful — but fills my Trekie heart with dread colder than an Andorian winter.

J.J. Abrams’s directing I’ve got confidence in (Lost was good before the tangled story twists caused my eyes to hemorrhage, and Cloverfield is my favorite Godzilla movie despite literally sickening others), but the writers/co-producers Orci and Kurtzman are from the Hercules and Xena school of fiction (formally the Corn Ball Academy of TV Writing). Decent action shows, but can they meet the standard we fans have for this savior?

There’s not much Trek to sustain me. The Next Generation and Deep Space 9 are my methadone (crossing drug metaphors here, if you noticed seek treatment), but crappy Voyager and Enterprise are what’s always on being the most recent. These latter two along with the suicide-inducing Star Trek: Nemesis movie (links not included for your safety) are making 11 the emergency adrenaline shot to the heart of an O.D.ed Trek.Should this new endeavor fail, it’ll be a generation before the next one comes along — the same summer as Star Wars Episode 7: How Solo Got his Groove Back.