Wuv, twue wuv, is a mysterious, magical thing. Even Oprah, with her demi-goddess powers, is unable to find it for herself — though she’s felt it firsthand from maddened celebrities and will be seeing it again. I myself have sought it out in many places: clubs, Internet sites, street corners, Lane Bryant changing rooms (voluptuphile here).

What does the media — our great educator — tell us love is? The answer is exemplified in many examples: The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Blind Date, Elimidate. Let’s define the genre by the extremes. Take Flavor of Love, a tale of a once-cool, now middle-aged, ex-crackhead, ex-felon, condom-abstaining, one-man minstrel show, wading through the most insane, big-assed, busty, and insanely big-assed busty chicks VH1 can round up. Better title: “Who’ll fuck Flavor Flav to be on TV?”

Not a hater, I admit to being an avid viewer from a combination of a morbid fascination (like watching dog fighting matches with only bitches) and the eye candy featured (a preview of strippers coming to a titty bar near me once their time is up). Given there’s three seasons, it’s not an effective love finder, but since Flav is moving on to a sitcom, the third time may be the charm (the girls are homely enough this season that I can believe a love match).

Love can be intoxicating, like Tila Tequila’s spread the first time you see it. A Shot of Love features Miss Saigon promising to luv-long-time one lucky/desperate/obsessed dude or chick. This show I haven’t seen much of since:

A. It’s half dudes (though one brotha did Dick-in-a-Box to impress her last show, props to him).

B. It’s half REAL lesbians (not the “Tee-hee, I like girls, too,” kind — like Tila, the “ALL COCK MUST DIE” type).

No wonder the president of MTV quit. Last season, she shaved it down to a guy and guy-like lesbian, which is confusing to my primitive hetero mind. One will be acceptable to your traditionalist family, the other is queen of the cunning linguists (pussy eating, simpleton). Can she ever decide to commit to one option? Bet we get six more seasons to find out.

“Love is the willingness to extend oneself to encourage the spiritual growth of another.” — Dr. M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled.

Not entertaining, and hard to find, but true and worth the search — gay-sounding yet true.

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