There are still some Summer blockbusters coming down the pipe. We know them, want to see them, and are counting down until they come out like a stomach murmuring Mexican meal – some may sadly be as shitty. Until the studios squeeze‘em out, we have some flicks that may only be viewed as previews yet may hide eclipsed quality.

Kung Fu Panda can’t be one of these, though it does promise to follow the poo motif. Being near extinction, pandas can’t afford the devoted lifestyle of a monk — in their defense female pandas are hairy, fat and smell. It looks like one of those money bump movies celebs make in between roles they WANT to do. This is Jack Black getting a paycheck for being in Be Kind Rewind, which was a nice, funny indie flick but made only enough to cover tuxedo rental for the premiere at Blockbuster. This’ll like make a million per bamboo joke. If you got kids that’ll drag you to this, I’m sorry. You should’ve timed better, feigned a headache, or just got head — like the pandas do.

For the real deal, I’ll check out Mongol — dramatic action-packed biopic of Asian conqueror Genghis Khan, sure to be a laugh riot! The obvious plus is that it’s adhering to authenticity, including an all-Asian cast – a selling point if you’ve ever seen the Last Samurai or Dances with Wolves. Drawback: subtitles, and the whole foreign factor. The drama could be restrained to wistful glances over the landscape before ordering heads chopped off. Blessing and curse, I doubt it will, or COULD, be as gay as Alexander. Rosario Dawson nude — the way she’d stay as my queen — is better than Colin Farrell making out with dudes, in my opinion at least … he is fine though … no homo.

Zohan sounds like a Mongol warrior name, but is actually about an Israeli James Bond that becomes a hair stylist – you must love story premises that come straight out of Madlibs. I’ll definitely see it because A. I haven’t seen an Adam Sandler comedy (that ACTUALLY stars Sandler) in a minute and 2. He excels at the funny fish out of water story: a millionaire heir in elementary school, a hockey player playing golf, or a water boy playing on the field. Also, anything that keeps paper in Rob Schneider’s pocket – cause you know he’ll cameo in this – keeps another male gigolo sequel from being made …we pray.

More subdued is The Promotion, a comedy about the hardcore competition between two family men applying for the same supermarket manger job starring Dewey Cox and Stiffler (funny actors you know from their characters). “John C Reilly, who?“ SHAKE and BAKE!! “OH! Him!“ It’s giving me a Napoleon Dynamite slice-of-life vibe, a good thing. Snappy dialogue dropped in favor of well-written comedic scenarios. Has that whole indie feel that studios like Dimension and Miramax go for too. They seem to let the directors direct; and, Steve Conrad whom was screenwriter of The Pursuit of Happyness and The Weather Man debut directs this one. His resume says he could pull it off.Once the bootleggers get off their lazy asses, I’ll hopefully have some good reviews.

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