Loading...Asian Expectation
Last week, I mentioned interest in seeing a few flicks. Two of them have been viewed, and it brings up an interesting — at least to me — point. Advertisers make a living on deceiving us into seeing films or buying of products, but sometimes they actually make previews that fulfill what we expect given the two minutes available. The Dungeons and Dragons movie sucked in previews and in full feature, score one for marketing exec integrity — like that existed. This was the case with an obviously lame movie, but not so much with one that I thought to enjoy more. Both covered oriental interest, hence the title. Sorry it isn’t a detailed account of dating honey-hued lovelies — still working on setting that up.Kung Fu Panda was just about exactly what I was expecting. Mary Sue character chose by destiny to save the world from a ninja snow leopard. Hopeless case finds hidden talent by appeal to his pathology: a fat ass gluttonous bear — Jack Black’s forte – is trained by trying to take food away from him, while the tested warriors are pointlessly beaten by the main baddie. Bear fat cushions pressure points, giving him an edge, but stone rending claws are never used to tear through him.
Granted it’s a kid’s movie, but more importantly IT’S FOR KIDS! The message “Your special as you are and you only need to believe to succeed” is pretty dysfunctional. Sure, positive attitude is key to success — hence my own astounding achievements — but so is talent and hard work. How many fat kids got their asses kicked trying to emulate Po the Panda? It brings a smile to the lips.
All the kung fu super jumps and flying is kind of useless in a fully animated film, but the animation was pretty good in the virtual choreography. The voice acting was good, but should have been giving the talent cast. Dustin Hoffman: what the hell animal was his character anyway? Koala bear? Raccoon? Angelina Jolie wasn’t rendered in her pre-pregnancy glory like Beowulf of course, but limited to only about 25 lines to boot? Why Jackie Chan, who is fucking wasted on anything but action? Still there were no cheap bamboo jokes, just fat jokes, not a super improvement. The trailer delivered what it showed though.
Mongol, the biopic of Ghenghis Khan could’ve been aptly renamed Temujin (his birth name) and Borte — Tristan and Isolde style. They meet and are engaged as kids with a love affair that struggles to endure the harsh life of 11th century Mongolia. He saves her from raiders with bravery and the blood of her captors; she saves him from enslavement by sacrificing her body and standing up to cruel men. Emotional content was very subdued as expected, fitting for the rugged setting. A rose doesn’t it say it like a dozen bleeding bodies that tried to keep you from your lady.
The action sequences were pretty good and graphic when present. Young Ghenghis is painted as a proud loner type, popular for his justice. They completely leave out that he killed his older brother as a teenager. I was expecting far more detail into how he built his empire — which was glanced over. After defeating his jealous rival brother, he sets him free in true good-guy fashion. We learn he later became khan of all Mongolia then went on to conquer half the known world. Roll credits. Not AT ALL the historical epic that was promised. When the story is already know, alot of makes the movie is how you portray it. Mongol was pretty minimalist.
Zohan was as good as expected, but still haven’t found the time to see The Promotion. They’ll be reviewed together in the future. Caveat Emptor stands: BEWARE TRAILERS!
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