Loading...Bellic and Johnson: The Slav and the Slave
Another fourth edition worth mentioning is Grand Theft Auto 4 – actually six counting GTA: Vice City and San Andreas. Yet, practically four since GTA and GTA II were essentially crime themed Spy Hunter clones. Old gamers don’t die; they just make obscure references to 8-bit dinosaurs – a fate worse than death. I’ve seriously played and completed San Andreas and now part IV, but this is not a review of either.If you don’t know if you’d like an ultraviolet shooter/racing hybrid sandbox role playing game, I suggest taking a deep introverted look at your life. To many, including myself, a fervent HELLS YES! erupts from the dark pit of the soul – or more accurately the abysmal post-modern emptiness occupying the place where it would reside. What could pacify such an aching id? Realistic weapons, tons of vehicles, a multi-option cell phone interface (Feel guilty? You can now call paramedics, the fire department even cops), in-game internet with a dating service, clothing stores to appease your latent metro-sexual, six figures of virtual cash, four apartments (2 economy, 2 posh), online multiplayer mayhem and more Easter Eggs than a tranny porn star convention.
The stars of these make-your-own crime dramas are what intrigue me. San Andreas had urban (code: Negro) gangster Carl “CJ” Johnson newly returned home from living in Liberty City and now GTA4 casts you as Niko “NB” Bellic, a veteran from undisclosed Slavic nation whom frequently mentions “the war” so you may assume it’s the former Czech Republic. He sounds like Borat, but his jokes usually take the form of one-liners sneered as a hater’s blood sprays from the shotgun blast dealt. “Yu pour ret-chess. Yu shud haff run frum me.” Apathy towards Jews votes against Kazakhstan though. CJ was essentially the character Ice Cube has played in every movie he’s starred in, even the ones for kids, but is more vintage Cube in action – with or without a jherri curl.
Both have family issues: Grove Street thug life siblings struggling in the ghetto or debt-piling gambling addict cousin with dreams of American big pimp’in, both of which are the basis of your early missions. Aside from ethnicity and setting – CJ in the mid-90’s while Niko is contemporary as evidenced by pedestrian comments like “America’s Next Top Hooker is my SHIT!” and “Get this fuck’in president out of office!” – their differences say something.
CJ had to learn martial arts, helpful in not attracting cops like a machine gun does. Niko comes off the boat with some sweet combos since he was in the “Red Army”. No biggie. CJ had to watch his diet and balance it with exercise lest risk diabetes. Bellic gets full health from junk food but doesn’t gain a pound and could care less about his BMI. Double you tee eff! The designers claim character customization but who wants a fat action hero? Where’s Steven Segal’s Oscar? Further, Niko stays stubbly with a close cut while CJ can go to a stylist for a die job, braids, a fade, high top, he also has a half dozen different stores to shop at. Bellic can go to the Russian import store (tacky), Modo for yuppie casual, or Perseus for upscale suits and shoes.
To showcase his bling both date assorted tail, but Bellic after doing missions for certain characters hangs out with them afterwards playing darts, bowling, catching a Kat Williams show, or just having dinner. A full social life and dating life are enjoyed. He can also call on them for favors like sending a taxi to providing armed back up. One of them introduces him to a future Mrs. Bellic. CJ is on his fuck’in own: he does the job, gets paid, then leaves to spend his paper on only more arms, ammo, armor or Armani. Most importantly, the cold-hearted Croat can choose to not kill someone or decide an ally is actually an enemy: free will that shapes his destiny. CJ does what he’s told. Black gangsters adhere to stereotypes but white gangsters are unique Serbian snowflakes? CJ definitely isn’t a role model, neither is Niko, but can a brotha get some depth outside a special edition intro?
I finished GTA IV and have deleted my files to do the whole thing over it’s so interesting. CJ’s on a disk at Game Stop, cashed in for the Xbox 360 upgrade. Maybe GTA 5 will be a compromise: a chubby fully fleshed out black star – voiced by Forrest Whitaker?
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