It can be somewhat flattering when you’re site is deemed important enough to warrant a spambot, but mostly it’s just a fuck’in annoyance.

I log on today to see a new name has pledged fealty and allegiance to the Dominion – much as many of you have (read the fine print of the social network). Chicken Wrestler I at first thought was Tech-lord Hunin – from the unfathomable hatred with which he eats chicken to the exclusion of nearly any other animal, rendering intelligent discussions of comparative cuisine moot and fueling the stereotypes of black people. It is not he, whom now wrestles baked chickens health wisely, though.

Immediately I go to this new citizen’s profile to learn what insights are being brought to our community and learn that I can get ring tones on Ning and green tea based weight loss products. This is NOT insightful; this is spam. This is corporate ejaculate sprayed upon the virtual columns of our hallowed halls – akin to masturbating in a church confessional. SACRILEDGE!

Robots, officially pronounced “Rho-butts” in the Dominion as popularized by Dr. Zoidberg and defining their dense (rho from physics) ass quality, are speculative threats of the future present today as symbols in fiction and as roles assumed by humans. C3PO or R2, which is cooler? 3PO, closer to the true rho-butt ideal, is best enjoyed when he’s being abused having his head misplaced, blown into pieces by storm troopers, or being eye gouged by Salacious Crumb. He lacks balls. R2 is cooler because he’s not a prissy coward concerned only for his function but gets in there as a hero fixing ships during combat, saving Luke’s mom from molten metal and burning enemy droids in grease fires.

Another heroic automaton is the Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth class; titular charter of the Pixar hit Wall-E. This movie was great for it’s focus on character like that of the Incredibles, and I rank it as high. The first third establishes this once lonesome hero through acts instead of exposition, “Show don’t Tell” storytelling that adds too much (?) empathy. Action is present in the film in content and subtext. Earth is ruined to the point of human abandonment; leaving what was once an army of similar models of robots to clean up the world but of centuries has only our protagonist remains.

When the first plant on the planet returns to existence, it is he that gets the message to the fat sedate descendants of humanity whom are catered to by rho-butts that have taken over the role of controlling their lives and destinies. The typical battle of man versus machine is a central theme but it’s done in a Disney hallmarked, kid-friendly way that still retains tension and communicates an important, if overwrought, message about the danger to our environment combined with an illustration of the possible degradation of humanity through modern convenience. Check it out if you haven‘t.

Chicken Wrestler serving as a spambot is likely though an actual person, possessing the ability to circumvent the community’s security. Instead of the respectful approach of a fellow net entrepreneur, arranging ad space etc, this person forces commercials into our group consciousness. It’s viral marketing, and let’s recognize that references to a virus is aptly not a good thing. This poor bastard is employed as a vector of transmission – like a medieval rat or flea.

We are all guilty in a sense given that much of our limited time on Earth is whored into the service of some soulless automaton – in the form of our employers – for necessities. Our Dominion is however a bastion of unbridled humanity in the form of creativity in self-expression without undo censorship and discussion of our world through the gift of sapience.

NO RHO-BUTTS ALLOWED.

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