“Hmm. The chili is extra tangy today. Is that cilantro?”

No, it’s white trash ass!

I’d go on Youtube with a video denouncing Mr. Unstable to black ball him from all food service, including his real name (Bobby Joe or Tyler Jack most likely). With a penchant for cleanliness, janitor would be perfect for him – especially with this guy in charge of him – for the rest of his life. This the compromise I’d accept since rolling him over the grill a few times would likely break the letter of the law – not spirit – plus it would just compound the problem by adding boy bacon bits to your Western Ranchero Whopper.

It’s an assumed part of our culture that if you’re a raving bitch or dinosauric dick to your food server some extra “seasoning” – i.e. snot, spit, or semen- may be added to your dining experience. However, this is indiscriminate screwing of everyone that comes to that Burger King without being inordinately troublesome, yet still receiving food with indirect contact to sweaty taint. At the lower rungs of society, these sects of the proleteriate have been subtlety coercing us, and now they’ve taken another step in power - dinner table terrorism. 

It’s not our fault you work at a fast food joint. Blame your lack of ambition, bad economic climate, apathetic high school guidance counselor, Mamma smoking menthols while pregnant, or your drunken conception on top of a running microwave when she worked at BK – unless she’s the Domina, whom can do whatever she wants. My building nausea has been quelled by her very likeness … mmmmm … Rosario …

Anyway, we give these little fucks the power by going to where they hold sway. Fast food is convenient but bad for you. Delicious, but comes from unknown sources. Brown bagging it is healthier and cheaper. Salads come in bags you know. Grill up some chicken, cut  up some tomatoes, cucumbers, toss in some croutons, dressing: BAH-DAMN, dinner. Tivo gravy goddess Rachel Ray, she’s quick and clean - but such a dirty girl.

Failing this, Subway is safest – so go ahead be as picky as you want there and treat them like shit.

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