Monthly Archives: September 2008

A View of Real Time

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This morning I was treated to a Reese’s Pieces combination of real commentary and opinionated competition when my favorite female hosted talk show interviewed my favorite smart assed political comedian talk show host. Bill Maher promotes his movie Religulous on The View.


Firstly, why is Sherri Shepard – black woman that is not Whoopi – dressed like Janet Jackson from 1992? Our Seeker of Style can comment on this in detail and explain the differences with photo examples … weird kid, but Dominion by blood.

Secondly, is Liz Hasselbeck trying to convert the heathen with the power of her pussy? Those toned up tan legs are in nearly every shot and aimed right at Maher, and she’s surprisingly … open to his viewpoint despite being quite opposed to Bill on several subjects. I was expecting – hoping actually – that he would start to denigrate religious observance but be interrupted with the conservative MILF uncrossing the goods like Sharon Stone with a heaven light shining out of her crotch and Maher exclaiming “SWEET JESUS”!! Sadly for team Christ, Maher avidly prefers chocolates to blondes.

More seriously though, I thought that Bill could’ve been funnier in pitching the movie. I’m not surprised at the little tiffs since he’s know for being real and the ladies are known for their kick-in-the-jaw opinions. I was expecting more friction – yes, an unintentional entendre you mouth-breather – with the young and dumbs but I guess they’ve each had enough embarrassing moments on Youtube. Having a clip with his mom that showed he wasn’t hatched from some beatnik opium den of goons (though the facial resemblance to their king is uncanny) was a nice touch.

Another shocker, the crack on Sarah Palin being a bimbo went over a little rough. In defense of Maher, the term “bimbo” was originally denotative of an attractive but unintelligent woman. Over the years the promiscuous connotation has been squirted in the word’s face as well. He tries to qualify this by saying men can be bimbo’s too, but the audience is too busy fanning away the vapors of such a scandalous statement to take note of the new form.

On faith, I’ve always thought that Maher is too hard on those that have it. Calling it a neurological disorder is inaccurate and extreme, at worst it’s a minor delusional psychosis since it doesn’t really cause a person to hurt others or themselves – in most cases it prevents this. Nobody-damned atheists reading this will be pointing out centuries of supposedly contrary fact but most religious violence is the result of the psychosis playing off of other issues and situational stimulants. The Crusades began over geo-political beef with the Byzantines; 911 was committed to kick the U.S. in the nuts for similar stuff. Religion is merely the social lubricant to get folks to kill and die for these causes and is often twisted to do so – Stalin didn’t need any ethereal cloud dweller for him to murder innocents.Today, in this culture, being a person of faith merely means you acknowledge the virute of higher ideas and are unlikely to participate in fun sex stuff until you’re hitched.

Da Dominion has neither prerequisite nor prohibition of faith, though this doesn’t mean any or all of them are Truth. The term “personal truth” is bullshit. Grow a pair and admit its faith/belief and roll with it. Whatever keeps you enjoying our entertainment without flagellating yourself (unless that’s your thing, sick fuck) go with it. Just wiped down your monitor when you’re done.

Chris Kill’in

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Saturday was the premiere of Chris Rock’s new HBO special Kill the Messenger, an event celebrated by Dominionites similar to Labor Day in the greater U.S.A. Cheery but not the Thanksgiving of a new Boondocks season beginning or the Christmas of a new Dave Chappelle concert, movie, interview, youtube clip, photo – we want Chappelle!!!

This semi-holiday wasn’t the reason for the missed article yesterday. It was a long weekend and we’re sorry for the gap. You should feel free to locate on your Dominion-issued keyboards the customized subscription refund button. You’ll get an extra one today.

Rocks style is abrasive mainly by his voice, which like Gilbert Godfried’s is considered a violation of the Geneva Conventions when heard loudly. I’ve wondered how best to describe his comedic style for non-Blacks that don’t see his cross over appeal. The title reminded me of something that I viewed on the PBS documentary African American Lives 2, a great “special” that is welcomed variety to the 99.8% of historical education on TV that ignores us. Yeah we’ve got BET and TV One channels on cable, but reruns of Good Times or Sanford and Son don’t count.

Digress: what I’m doing right now. Alan Rock, the comedian’s grandfather, was a preacher and would write sermons while looking after him. During his interview on the special, Chris says that how he writes his material is like how he saw sermons written – so Chris Rock is a preacher with a funny sermon about the Truth of society. In this new concert, the messenger focuses on Truths that are as hilarious as they are unpopular. Even when promoting the special, within reach of the Secret Service, not even Bill Clinton was safe:

The first half of the show is for politics and society. Jokes on McCain being old – choosing his nurse for Vice President – and the appropriate use of “nigga” by white people: between 4:30 and 4:49am on Christmas Day when a Black dude robs, beats and pees on you in front of a toy store will earn you a month of usage. If you’re a white woman it’s whenever a Black dude is boning you – fair. He also agrees with the Dominion standard of quotation of raps songs for fair usage. I’m fine with whites saying it, but not with using it. Unfair? Sure, but as Rock says we can always switch: “You scream ‘nigger’ and we’ll raise interest rates”.

This eventually meanders into sexual relations, where Rock connects with the male component of his audience, with a unique statement that Obama’s biggest hurdle is having a Black first lady – a position that requires far more shutting the fuck up than a sister can endure. Michelle isn’t specifically referenced, but the picture is painted of an ebony Hillary. A poor portrait isn’t painted of Michelle in particular, but it’s just the general way that Rock tells women about themselves and gives voice to thoughts that if freely expressed would raise the divorce rate 25-50%. It’s easy to get the impression that Rock doesn’t like marriage, especially considering his last movie “I Think I Love my Wife”.

I think I prefer Never Scared to this one because it hit on more topics, but if you like Chris this is another good one. The special is composed of interspliced scenes from concerts in London, Johanesburg and New York. Regional changes to his material would have been an excellant touch, but aside from a safari anecdote there were none. If you’re a conservative rich single white woman, I’d advise you to give it a pass – but you’re likely not reading this.

Dominion Cast X – Animated Chatter

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A discussion of the various cartoons and other features that we enjoy. Chiming in are Hunin, Omari, myself and our first Dominion intern Heaven sister of Hunin. Rib failed her geek save and napped for most of this, to her credit her first failed save – but not likely the last. Popular shows are examined, especially the McFarlane dynasty. The Boondocks gets a good dissection, as only those that “get it” can. The Simpsons Megalith is marveled upon. We ponder how old is too old for cartoons, especially relevant given the crap the kids have to watch today.

Dominion Cast 10 download (62 MB, 68mins.)

My Podcast Alley feed! {pca-e823a0e05e56c06e2a69bdf3954f05f6}

Music from Subway Stories by ADC Level
Home Movies: Improv Vindication
McFarlane’s Future – Cleveland’s Show
Boondocks: Laughing at the Truth in public.
Adult Swim: A taste acquired or nauseating?
The Simpsons self spin-off
Venture Brothers – not sisters
Legacy of Mighty Mouse
Anime All Over
Crap for Kids
Interesting Outliers: Avatar the Last Airbender and Fillmore!
Debate of Ages: Cal El versus Kakkarot

Adult Play

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No. Not the little game you and your wife play where you dress like a fire hydrant and she’s the forceful female fire fighter with the happy hose. Whatever it takes to keep the spice in the marriage that’s your fuck’in business – literally. I’m talking about when the game, or more specifically, the story the group plays features themes of a sexy mature nature.

This isn’t very common in my experience. Often gamers are … well, nerds who have social issues that result in shyness around people they haven’t known for thirty years. Most are reluctant to adopt funny voices that may capture their characters persona – unlike geeks such as myself that revel in the full experience. That lesson on nomenclature is something for the reader to take away: nerds are lame from their awkwardness, geeks will annoy you with their mastery of subject. So sayeth your Dominus Digg (GSS/CC/U W++ t++ R+++> tv+++).

Another factor is that many of the works that RPG tradition is based upon aren’t very saucy. To my recollection, Tolkein mentioned Aragorn and Arwen lying naked on a hill once, but that’s it. I bet he didn’t describe the laying of the one pipe in much detail to his kids, and that Legolas is braiding Gimli’s beard is left unspoken - rightfully so. More futuristic settings also don’t sully themselves with the grimy details. Jabba liked the lithe humanoids – we shudder to think what he did with his harem girls. Mostly, given the possibilities of crippling imagery and the ages involved with many first time players and the back light the hobby has been cast in, it’s for the best to shy away from the adult stuff – although gaming art has shaved it close with it’s objectifying representations.

As adults there’s no sanctuary outside of tradition. I blame vampire LARPers (Live Action Role Players) myself. The ordinary nerdy gamer girl gets a new sense of liberation when she’s dominatrix decked out and playing make believe acting out steamy Anne Rice vixens. The non-physical nature of tabletop may encourage flirty innuendo to descriptive action. This can be an issue for the fantasies it reveals, the picturing of … nice personality players in explicit scenes, the distracting daydreams of gamer hotties in the same scenes or just cause it’s damn creepy.

Enough summation, it’s time for solutions. Ways to deal with it:

1. Outright tell the offenders they’re being gross. Speaking up for yourself doesn’t make you an asshole necessarily – throwing food as you shout it does.

2. Fight fire with fire. If they describe sex vividly, you could describe other realistic things as vivid – like cutting off an orc’s head or disemboweling a monster for possible jewels they could’ve swallowed. Your efforts may communicate the problem by putting them in your place; or, at least take away some of their screen time.

3. Inject some realism of your own into the rules or suggest them to your DM. Start making pregnancy rolls for each encounter. Saves to resist diseases are a relevant threat. Even just tagging them as fatigued afterward, when the goblin archers are about to ambush the camp before they can slip their armor back on.

4. Step it up a notch and suggest an ad hoc orgy. Those that don’t threaten to leave, kick out of the group … maybe get their number first.

The Sec … Third Coming

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Heroes has now officially returned with a double episode this Monday – following an hour long clip show reintroduction that I really could’ve done without.

Every fan of the show has been watching the web exclusives, web comics and replaying the Season 2 DVD until the disk melts. The preview show I guess was meant to make us literally fall off the edge of our seats like we all did today when Clay “9/10ths out of the closet” Aiken finally sashayed his buttermilk biscuits into the open, to massive faux surprise.

I like that Hiro has a new quest because he’s the fan boy with a greater destiny that all of us want to be. I admire them for waiting this long to finally give him a worthy power counterpart in the bad girl speedster Daphne. There’s only so long that one can endure an “I don’t know my own strength yet” learning curve. Her intro was great with the ultra-slow time merely something that she accelerated out of to smack down our naive boy. This attitudinal hurdle of his development may be breached with the Ando betrayal revelation. Yeah, it could be some shape changer, or the Butterfly Effect will prevent that occurrence – then again that could be a new future – but I think it would be cool for Ando to get powers – NO ONE DESERVES POWERS MORE THAN ANDO SAN.

Now Mohinder has opened that possibility with his powers shot – assuming it doesn’t just make the recipient Brundle from the Goldblum remake of The Fly. What the fuck were they going for with that? It goes against the whole adrenal trigger for powers when he’s just hanging around doing super shit. The one plus was Maya gets naked, a long time coming (another probable side effect of his powers). Why she submitted to the titanic tantra dicking I couldn’t fathom what with all the “dis is el diablo” speech about corrupting powers. Maybe it’s some pheromone he exudes now too? Maybe just an impulsive Jessica moment?

Where the hell is that bitch? Troubled single Mom Nikki, hulking whore Jessica and now cryokinetic Neo-Con groupie Terri Strauss. Captain Sheridan back on the tube is welcomed though, but not likely for much development in the patsy role. Leaves me wondering when/if Micah and the Katrina cousin get back into the story. Nikki, if she is the base character, must have the power to split personalities to deal with trauma complete with new powers of the persona – kinda lame, but better than damage sponge Claire.

We see a dark version of the future Cheerleader, but I’m unsure as to whether this will manifest although she’s got the potential with her whole “am I still human” numbness. Daddy brought in fire mommy, while he’s off to kick some ass. We may get some more backstory out this hopefully, as opposed to cliched estranged parent schmultz. Being ability raped by Sylar was a powerful scene but I wasn’t surprised she lived, nor should anyone else. I was mainly pissed that Mr. Creepy has a new power.

I must say that Sylar is my favorite character because I actually HATE him. Ironically, with his powers I’d be doing similar things to him – so he’s some kind of emotional projection of my own id. Most of my affiliation with Peter is that he can actually kill the bastard, but now there’s a weird sibling dynamic soon to surface. Now Momma Petrelli is a lying bitch, and this could be just a ploy to get S-Man to hunt down the villains, but Gabriel, Peter, and Nathan all share an biblical theme. Only Nathan is picking up on the angel role and may have the soul-swapping power that future Pete has, since he’s chatting with the ghost of Linderman – and can access his powers it seems since Peter never met old boy before DL made him a knucklehead.

Scar Pete from the future I like cause he’s the badass of the series now, save Bennet who’s just now getting into the saddle that says “Bad Muthfucka” on it. He knows the future and his own powers, including some yet to be revealed, and moving with clear direction. He ported Parkman to Africa like “this won’t do, laters”. The cop can stay in Africa for all I care, assuming he’s not trapped in his own mind somehow. If not, atleast we get a new black hero out of the deal.

Highly anticipated: My man Jaime Hector from The Wire is a villain with the ability to “read your fears and convert it to his strength, awesome strength”. I’m staying tuned for that alone.

The Centennial: Story of the Source

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111 total posts
minus 9 Dominion Casts
minus 2 Decrees
Equals: Welcome to the 100th article!!

Uh … what to write about? … er … hmmm …
What’s that reader? Where did this all begin?

(Author’s Note: The following may be greatly exaggerated)

The year was 1722; I was 25. Though a child by the standards of today, I was a man in that age; master of my own plantation, husband and father. Actually, that’s how Louie of the Vampire Chronicles begins – lots of fiction can blur your reality. It was earlier this year to late last. I was 32, though an adult by the standards of today, an adolescent by the judgment of past love interests and a few psychotherapists.

As you grow older life becomes more complex. Friends you used to see daily become available only weekly, then monthly, then when you can. The brilliant wit that has made me the “Funny Guy” of my geek clique was going to waste. Often while experiencing life’s tragic comedies, I’d mutter something snarky or clever to myself – in lieu of a friend to hear it – and was disappointed at how predictable I found my own jokes. Co-workers or acquaintances that where nearby would sometimes chuckle, mostly politely, but nearly as often merely smirk, grimace in confusion or slowly back away – like a moose from a hockey mom or a Democrat from a confrontation. (Fair & Balanced)

Hunin, through emotional attrition, was recently married and looking for new avenues on the web to generate profit. His pocket-sized dot com empire Hunin Communications – whose motto is “Buy our Shit, or We’ll Keep Asking You” – was having issues connecting to new markets. He struck upon the idea of marketing syndicated content via the blogosphere, because no one does that, and approached long time friend now junior attorney Anson to begin a blog on business and legal advice. Having never read the website, but knowing the author for years, I can assume it was as boring as watching turtle shit roll uphill on a windy day. I’d link to this blog to verify my prejudice, but the url once typed somehow reads as http://Zzzzzz.

Hunin approached me about writing a blog of my clever musing. To his surprise, I didn’t ruefully dismiss this idea as I had done with his net dating service that randomly matched people by email address and his fetish voyeur site “Cank Hound”, which posted pics of the cankles of women taken around our town. It was a mutual solution to our problems. Digg’s Dominion went up the second week of April this year in all of it’s stygian glory with an article about my personal burden of being the best DM I’ve ever met wedged between dozens of ad links. The hauntingly beautiful Rosario Dawson accepted the role of my muse and Domina, tacitly since my email to her fan site was never replied to but she accepted the gift of my betrothal ice cream sandwich.

Early problems presented themselves quickly. The white print on black with blood red fields combined with loud flashy ad links caused us to loose much of our first crop of readers to seizure induced coma and suicide from Google-themed night terrors. Many feedback emails screamed “Tone it down!!!” with attached pics of pale bloodshot-eyed fans pressing knives to their own throats. We changed around some of the lay out but didn’t get many replies from those troubled – our condolences go out to their families. Bigger issues were prominent from the start.

Our name shared similarity to the internet megalith Digg, which could send lawyers over to suspend Hunin over a royalty collecting sack and shake him broke while I denied any involvement with this blog and went back to writing in a raggedly coffee-stained notebook (Da Dominion 1.0). While recording an mp3 apology – choked with tears and pleading them not to destroy us – we found it pretty entertaining after the first take – punctuated with swearing as we squeezed lemon juice into our eyes to draw “real” tears. If we recorded talking about interesting things a new venue of content would bolster our dusty coffers. This was the birth of Dominion Cast; we’re still waiting for those large donations to reach us by mail.

Cast #1 sounded like we were taping inside the carcass of a beached whale while DM Erik shouted instructions on how to make D&D 4E characters through the ass. We keep this one in the attic, shoving bowls of gruel under the door and sending in Cast #2 -our second least favorite – to change it’s diapers. If you can locate Cast #1 and try to extort us with it’s existence a squad of secret Dominion servants – hundreds of citizens that have not officially joined us to serve as my anonymous army – will find you, download your copies of the file to CD, shatter the disk and make you eat the shards with Habenero Baboon Ass sauce. 8-10 hours later, your punishment will reach full fruition; no porcelain god will save you from the toilet magma.

A month and a half ago we did a full site revamp, adopting da Dominion as our mantle. It was a brutal ordeal for many innocents. Many web sites like DS (with DW, DQ, DX & DZ) Dominion, Ad Dominion, and others were made vassals to our realm. Many a webmaster or blogger now fears the sight of hot sauce, cushion-less chairs and know the practice of Urine Boarding first hand – none were bought out, just subject to “enhanced” persuasion. The current blog lay out has resulted in zero suicides and comas and the cool tag cloud to play with. Our forums host many entertaining opinions, purchase opportunities and the funniest vid clips regurgitated from Youtube.

What more could you ask for? Seriously. With the consolidation of our foothold on the net, many secret servants may now step forward to comment. Feedback is our fuel. We don’t have to drill for it … do we?

Preacher Perry

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I’ve never been a fan of Tyler Perry’s Chitlin Circuit to the big screen movies and I’m not starting now. His being in drag has never helped.

If you’re going to see Righteous Kill, and circumstance intervenes to prevent this, The Family that Preys is not a worthy substitute – thematically, dramatically or narrative wise. I know they aren’t meant to be comparable in any of those qualities, but without having seen the new Pacino/DeNiro flick I’m SURE it’s better – for one thing both veteran actors have better tastes in scripts.

Some of you may have never seen a Tyler Perry movie. Good news, seen one and you’ve seen them all. This is Truer than you may realize, as he has a virtual repertory company of actors that appear in one feature after the next, as they presumably scramble between non-monster roles. Alfre Woodard and Kathy Bates are the big names that signed on and their performances are decent despite having woefully one-dimensional roles.

Their story is basically The Bucket List, with Woodard as average God-fearing Freeman and Bates as stinking rich Nicholson, but without the commitment to that storyline. Kathy’s gonna die and Woodard is supposed to learn to live for herself while she still has the time, but Bates isn’t really dying and Woodard isn’t the altruisitc family martyr. The racial difference is ignored as is the economic disparity – what is this relationship telling us? Were they lesbians, cougars, both or even – perish the thought – an actual full movie about how they change and support each other through tribulations I’d understand where the writer was going. This is the portion that makes it a comedy-drama, allegedly.

The other part of the movie is Woodard’s uppity got-a-degree daughter (Sanaa Lathan) hungering for power by having an affair with her boss, Bates’ former addict evil-for-no-reason son (Cole Hauser). Lathan is traumatized by her father’s abandonment of Woodard so she doesn’t support her husband’s entreprenuerial dreams, has a baby by the white man, hoards money he gives her and believes Hauser will leave his wife for her. Bates’ boy, being a rich white man, cheats on his wife with Lathan, fires her husband, disrespects female peers and seeks to supplant rich Momma to become more rich – you know, typical Caucasian stuff. The implicit moral: being successful will corrupt you and hurt your family whom you’ll turn your back on.

In the end, white mamma, with the help of black mamma, thwart and fire white son, whom then ditches evil black daughter. All the good (morally, not class of writing) support characters, whose roles don’t really mean shit to the story, live happily ever after. Bates kills herself rather than face Alzheimer’s and Woodard takes a much-needed vacation, although we do find out she’s a millionaire and could’ve avoided much of the plot’s  issues.

Why? Because Tyler Perry writes racially targeted soap operas – like Latin novellas, but “hoavellas” since some hoe has to get her come-uppance. He’s expert with the heart string bullshit and good ole church values,  but makes the characters shallow as hell to not make the audience think – just react. Lathan does actually get slapped by her too-stupid-to-notice-my-son-is-half-white husband. The audience went wild, but I saw it coming in the wedding scene during the first ten minutes of the flick – sadly I’d seen another of Preacher Perry’s movies before.I’ll give him credit though; his other movies have been far more dogmatically didactic. This one had only one baptism scene and the prudish Woodard throwing anoiting oil on strippers to ward them away – since strippers are like vampires in that way.

The Chitlin Circuit was a result of segregation, which has never existed in my generation, so its appeal to me is wasted. Ironically, if you love chitlins you may like this movie. Like eating boiled pork intestines, some things are better left in the past.