Once in a while at a convention, at a pick-up game or joining your group will be a guy that plays a female character. I’ve found ten deep breaths through the nostrils and out the mouth Miyagi-style is enough to keep your stomach contents down. If not, choose the bag of chips you dislike least and spew into that – I’d go with Bugles myself, their flavor can’t be worsened.

There is nothing wrong with a guy playing a female, or a chick playing a male … in theory. Gamer girls can get away with murder since their presence at the table may be closest thing you’ve had to a date in months ( or ever). Another point in their favor is that they’re playing dudes, which is infinitely more easy as there’s plenty of examples to base her portrayal off of. Grab the biggest most damaging weapon in the shop, kill anything that’s ugly or anyone that says “No” to her, try to fuck any female NPC in line of sight, and speak little (OK, maybe not that easy for her). In many groups, she’ll fit right in, if not receive marriage proposals by the end of the session.

Guys have the issues in my experience with hetereo-playing – playing the other sex. The best and most “enlightend” will confuse the equality of women with the their similarity to men. Aside from the occasional Seduction check for the city guard, stormtrooper, big bad guy or male deity (and reap the golden shower) there’s no difference in the character. This seems to defeat the purpose of playing another gender in the first place. Pointless, but by far the best of the bad scenarios possible.

Other gamer guys, in an effort to really showcase their acting range, go the whorrific route. Every character with a penis get’s flirted with like crazy. They speak in high pitched cracking voices that wouldn’t be less girly if they weren’t spraying nacho crumbs. They bat their eyelashes and lock eyes coyly when speaking to you, another dude. They cross their flabby arms to perk up a set of man-tits in place of their character’s double d’s … 10 breaths … get the Bugles, *herg*. Homophobic, no. Homo-nauseating, HELL YEAH!

I’ve played one PC female before: Telanie Took, a halfling Ranger that was more flighty than flirty but loved foot massages. As a DM that prides himself on playing up my NPCs, I’ve played many females in that respect. The best focus I find is on speech and mannerism without getting into stereotypical touches. Having female gamers helps because they can provide examples to model yourself after. If you have to do sex stuff go into third person narration: “She undoes your breeches and reaches for the Universal Lubricant.” DO NOT DO IMPRESSIONS, especially of any woman that you’ll be requesting sex of! Women are masters of communication and will read into them ultra deep – incubating resentment to be hatched later.

Still have doubts? Ask yourself: What Would Xena Do?

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