Some of you may have never seen a blog before and just happened on da Dominion by googling “Madonna grape ass drink Milf Carlin tits” – some of our most commonly hit search terms. Don’t worry. Here is how to handle this experience:

1. Choose a topic you’re interested in from the tag cloud in the top middle of this page. Your cursor on the edge of the sphere will rotate the abundance of topics available. 

Read the articles that come up and click the links to get a visual illustration of the humor contained there in (this is where the “tits” hits come from). Remain apathetic, Smile/frown, chuckle/growl, laugh/curse, ejaculate/throw your laptop across the room as you feel apporpriate.

Did you like what you read? Yes, go to 2. No, go to 6.

2. Read more using the the instructions in point 1.

Are you tired of reading (unlikely)? Yes, go to 3. No, go to 2.

3. Are you poor? Yes, go to 4. No, go to 5.

4. Click on comments and give some feedback. We, da Dominion, are fueled by validation and will be encouraged to post more in the future. Your contact information will be sold to spammers to compensate for your inability to pay. The preceeding statement was sarcasm. Too subtle? Say so in comments. Consider 4 a & b.

4a. Lonely – beyond that which can be soothed by porn, junk food or prostitution? Click on the Network tab above and join our Dominion. It is a place where your geekiness will be fostered and no one will blatantly laugh at your shut in like appearance resulting from extreme nerdity. Remember the chick in the red shirt from the first link, she could be there …

4b. Have a few friends? Even if they’re only “friends” in the myspace sense – dangerous strangers waiting to sabotage your persona from a cowardly distance – click the Share this Post bar and e-mail an article to them. The more that come to visit the site the more we can charge those immoral coprorate money grubbers whom can fatten us with spoils for ads. Diggs and Stumble’s are welcomed.

5. Visit our store and buy something you like, are interested in or don’t need to show gratitude for our efforts. Indecisive, not what you want in stock? DONATE. The internetzes needs your support.

Are you a cheap fuck? Yes, go to 4. No, BUY SOMETHING … or … DONATE

6. Click comment and tell us what your issues are. We need varied viewpoints to derive a concensus of Truth and can use your contact information to track you down and … correct your misperceptions.

Don’t even feel like commenting? Click here.

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