My curry cutie Padma Lakshmi is back with a season of Top Chef New York on Bravo – the first closeted gay network! When not deciding who the best model, new fashion designer or the most drunk rich housewife is, come here to get your foody (culinary geek) on.

The challenges have always been the biggest draw for me – besides Mistress Masala Mounds - like this one from the last episode:

Guessing salt or pepper seems a little cheap to me, but peanut butter!?! The bird lady fucked that one royally. Watch rest of the episode to see where else she fails.

Carla (sistah raptor face) does have skills but is too jittery and soft spoken. She’ll either crack under pressure or get blamed for a team failure. Later in this episode she lets anther chef add something to her dish without ripping out his spleen for garnish. Danny boy also in trouble by breaking the cardinal rule of Bravo: the straightest can never win. I could see him in line for Lions tickets, or Raiders, or whichever teams are in New York – I don’t do sports, but even I can’t feign ignorance and wish our Detroit Lions were a NYC franchise. Now that he got cut from Top Chef, if he’s not busy now he should try out for our zero and fourteen football team – chef or athlete, he couldn’t hurt.

For the top two I’m seeing Jamie , lesbian survivor of “Team Rainbow“, and the Bald James Bond euro-villain Stefan. They seem the most driven and talented although I can really see the latter falling to overconfidence. Flirting with gay women, if you have a cock, is notoriously difficult. If he does manage to bed this blonde, competition or not he’s a winner!

His foreign partner Fabio is all charm and soiled English. He’s made too many mistakes and proves foreigners aren’t always number one. Rocco Dispirito says he wants bacon breakfast and you make an espresso shot and French toast? Me no lissen so good. Josea got top palette but I don’t see making it to the end. They seem to be covering a lot of his “friendship” with Leah. The type of buddies that are of different genders, have a shared passionate interest and commitments at home that hangs out together way from the cameras.

It’s not a soapy drama if there’s competition, DAMN IT! Still, let me check out this Victoria Secret show to get my hetero on for a while.

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