24 kicks ass, has won Emmys for those buttocks booted, and despite being on hiatus – due to whiney writers – is back as good as ever for the seventh season to cram more shoe into rectum. Ironically, this action is the one interrogation technique Jack “bane of Chuck Norris” Bauer won’t do.

Still, there are some of you that don’t watch it yet still possesses average or above mental faculties, I.e. aren’t stupid – to make it plain for those just making it to average level. Here are twenty-four reasons to watch 24.

24. There’s nothing remotely as good on TV at Monday 9 pm, unless you’re a girl or wish you were born one.

23. No other show creates tension as well. Everything has a deadline that if it isn’t met will severely fuck up lots of people. There’s even deadline in deadlines. The FBI is coming so the Terrorists must force the Sangala President out of his safe room before he dies making the undercover good guys into bad guys. Thank god for commercials.

22. Keifer Sutherland is aging pretty well.

21. There are few over arching mysteries, unlike Lost. The main question is how is Jack going to pull this off and after the commercial break – in which the story is going on camera – the answer comes. It’s reply, AWESOMENESS.

20. The writers of 24 are visionaries. Season 1 had a cool ass Black president, and not a globetrotting light skinned one either, good old Mississippi black. This season, Madame President Taylor is the chief, which forecasts the Hill-Dawg striking back. Relax; it’s fiction.

19. Main characters die when you least expect it, and stay dead. The stakes are high like the real world.

18. Tony Almeida is back from the dead!

17. As reasons 18 & 19 show, you can’t predict where the story will go but guaranteed things will get worse.

16. Issues are ripped from the headlines. Bauer is under subpoena to testify for all his torturing in the past given the new administration, but a crisis brings him back to the field to avert disaster … and torture some more.

15. “Look! I’m going to shoot you. Please, go along with it; I’ve got a plan” Who the hell else could pull that line off?

14. Actions have real consequences measured in time and implications carried to other parts of the overall plot. There’s a delay to dump a body, so the terrorists can‘t get their hostage and need to crash a plain to show they‘re still a threat, now we wonder will the lady President back down and put more trust in her adviser whom is in league with the terrorists?

13. If you tie someone up with duct tape and taunt them, they can bite out your throat and use your blood to soften the tape to escape. It’s a fact.

12. Bauer makes a better bad guy than the bad guys!

11. Geeks are given a place of respect without drowning us in overly technical jargon. We can track the movements of the bodyguards by their cell phones and overlay it to the building plans. Who cares how?!

10. Watching 24 has been shown to correlate with virility and coolness.

9. Being on broadcast TV, it’s free to watch and is well worth the cost of a DTV conversion box.

8. Former President Clinton when interviewed regarding matters of national policy has referenced examples from 24 twice, and he’s a Rhodes scholar!

7. Name another show that detonated a nuclear bomb in L.A. … I’m waiting … thought not!

6. The previous 6 seasons are on DVD and it’s winter. Take some unused vacation and you can catch up. In this economic climate, I’m sure your supervisor wouldn’t mind.

5. The clean-cut character Sam Hillenger of the FBI impersonated his boss to get his wife to safety, but is also cheating on her. Yet, he’s still up to something and I‘m dying to see what.

4. Janeane Garafalo is an FBI tech specialist that will no doubt match Hack Fu with Chloe from the disbanded Counter Terrorist Unit. Catfight! Wouldn’t that be better than watching them mud wrestle?

3. Frequent Trek actor Tony Todd is playing the genocidal African dictator General Juma. He’s great in everything.

2. If Tony’s back, they may bring back Michelle Dessler-Almeida. Trust me, she does more than seductively climbing on bookshelves. I doubt it, but one can hope.

1. Jack Bauer is the shit.

Popularity: 2% [?]