I was tempted to write about the coverage of the Octo-Mommy – the chick with new octuplets , now 14 kids, no job and nominee for the worst looking vagina in the under 50 category – then another form of nature reared it’s head to remind us it is still a force of … uh, itself:

Since the Sci-Fi classic Planet of the Apes came was released, we’ve been lulled into a false security that as long as we don’t let apes get the right to vote, rifles (a lesson Charleton Heston learned too late), nets and horses that we’ll be ok. WRONG!!! As long as we don’t move Chimps in with us, deny them sex (or never admit they are our lovers), let them irresponsibly surf the net for porn, expose them to the stresses of stardom, give them wine, give them psychoactive drugs and radically make ourselves over in attempts to impress them without first inquiring into their look preferences; we ARE safe – although missing out on all of the fun of chimp ownership.

The coverage I found incomplete. The show is Anderson Cooper’s 360 – so I want the other side of the coin. What of the good things that chimps bring into our lives? Humorous stand-ins for portrayals of former President Bush. Their pioneering of space exploration. Their tips on way of spicing up our sex lives. Their tireless work in substance abuse intervention. And, of course, their past volunteer work in keeping tabs on dangerous pedophiles.

Nothing. Poor Travis takes it upon himself to rectify a woman’s poor choice of cosmetics, by removing her face as chimps are prone to do, and his girlfriend stabs him in the back before cops light him up. I hope the victim comes out alive, but she’s not the only that’s been subjected to a bizarre situation – Connecticut is nothing like a suitable primate habitat, and who would trust an ape to not be an ape.

Chris Brown has no excuses. Black History month doesn’t exempt us from the law.

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